That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
