the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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