I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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