I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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