Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want a musical about memes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
