I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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