we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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