I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
