the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
