Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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