i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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