I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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