sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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