a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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