Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
