Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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