jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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