You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
