dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your penis caused this!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
