You're so nebulous sometimes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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