i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
