she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
