my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
