No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
