I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
