his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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