My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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