I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
