am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Less talking, more tequila
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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