She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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