I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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