Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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