My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
