CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
