it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
