She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
