I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
