You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
In America we eat man semen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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