I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
