im drinking this country out of the recession.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
