You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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