I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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