none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
