threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
