I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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