all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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