I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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