I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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