oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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