your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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