I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
