he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
