if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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