he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
