dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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