I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
