can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
