it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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