Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
