she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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