He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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