Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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