Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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