I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
