Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
