my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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