You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
