nut hugger
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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