he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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