Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
