just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
