Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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