New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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