I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
