so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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